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    November 15

    替代

        有很多事情是可以被替代的。即使你贪恋。比如:小时侯手臂动过手术,留下一道狰狞伤疤。你在二十五岁之后,长成肢体清秀瘦削,如春天树枝般散发温润气息的男子。并且爱穿颜色模糊的线衫。没有人看得到你的伤口。

        童年失踪的小狗。它啃了一半的狗咬胶还躺在角落里散发口水味道。即使你在它吠叫的时候打它的小脸,它一样喜欢趴在你身上轻轻入睡。它走了之后,你有时候觉得身上温度不够热量。最多也就是再加上一件外套。

        用了一年多的茶杯。在咖啡店里,一个女子送给你作为生日礼物。用报纸包裹起来。图案是红莓和鸢尾。英国白瓷。你不爱这个女子,却痴迷这个茶杯。夜夜用来喝咖啡。直到某天它摔在地上支离破碎。你找不着相同一个,于是开始用塑料杯子喝红茶。

        一份高薪的职位。你刚刚决定振作努力,看看自己在人群里能够发挥多少妥协和才华。就开始与上司起冲突,意见不合一拍两散。你编造履历,抹去历史。你又获得一份工作。你又一再失业。

        朋友。每次重新抄写通讯簿,就会重新检点自己忘记了多少人。忘记之后就是剩余,就是所得。但你的通讯簿,从来没有被丢弃。始终都是满的。也始终都是空的。

        所有看过的电影。在空落落的黑暗电影院里,捧着可乐和爆米花昏昏欲睡。其实只是想与人在孤独中亲吻。试图倾诉内心存余的感情。不能如愿又如何。不断涌现的新电影,犹如臆症的春天的刺激。让人兴奋不已沮丧不止。醉生梦死。

        还有三年前爱过的女子。她的头发漆黑眼睛明亮如星辰离开之后生活惨淡经营。死去活来黯然心碎最后无疾而终烟消云散。在三年零五个月的第十一个小时四十分钟,你开始与另一个女子上床做爱,并一样抵达高潮。
     
     
     

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